Sitara match in Islam 2022 – 2023

The best solution is patience, endurance and realizing that it is natural for differences to arise between married people. It is also necessary for each spouse to bear with his/ her partner and to overlook some of the words and acts that may be displeasing. After all, one does not always know where one’s best interest lies; you may like to do something that turns out to be bad for you. Besides, there are times when you do something that you do not like to do but it turns out to be good for you. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them — perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah Makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19]

When the couple’s disagreement worsens, the ties between them start weakening. Then, the wife becomes disobedient, arrogant and negligent of her duties and her husband’s rights. She may also deny her husband’s virtues. The remedy for this attitude in Islam is stated explicitly and it does not include divorce. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance — [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them.}[Quran 4:34]

When dealing with the wife’s arrogance, first, the husband should advise her, admonish her, and remind of the husband’s rights over her and of the punishment of Allah The Almighty. All this should be done tactfully and patiently, while adopting the approach of encouraging at times and dissuading at other times.

Forsaking the wife in bed is a punishment for her arrogance and disobedience. It is worthy noting that Allah The Almighty Says, “forsake them in the bed” not out of it. This means that the husband should not let anyone notice that he is upset with his wife. The purpose of this punishment is to solve the problem and not to humiliate the woman or violate the privacy of their marriage relationship.

If the problem is not solved, stricter measures may be the answer. Some people are not affected by gentle advising and they grow more arrogant when they are treated kindly. When such people are treated strictly, they become calm and quiet.

Every sensible man realizes that if temporary sternness could bring back discipline, and prevent the family from breaking up, it would be better than divorce and separation. This is a positive form of discipline, yet it is not meant to be applied for the sake of revenge or humiliation. It is a means to put matters right and to reform the married couple’s situation.

If the wife fears her husband’s contempt or evasion, she should apply the following verse: Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them — and settlement is best.} [Quran 4:128] The solution is by making settlement but not by divorce or separation. Settlement may be giving up some of the financial or personal rights in order to retain the marriage relationship.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And settlement is best.} [Quran 4:128] Indeed, settlement is better than disagreement, aversion, arrogance and divorce.

This is a quick review and a brief reminder of one of the aspects of the religion of Allah The Almighty and how to apply its rulings. How far do we apply it? Why do people disregard the role of the two arbitrators in attempting to settle a marital conflict? Is it because they abstain from reforming themselves or is it that they wish to separate families and children?

In most cases, we see ignorance, injustice, lack of consciousness of Allah The Almighty, desertion of many of His rulings, and tampering with His prescribed punishments.

It was narrated by Ibn Maajah, Ibn Hibbaan and others that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) said: “Why are some of you tampering with the prescribed punishments of Allah while I am still living among you?”

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